


Playing With Fire

by FirstWriter



Series: Other Eyes [1]
Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22823308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirstWriter/pseuds/FirstWriter
Summary: Rand's point of view of chapter 7 of "The Shadow Rising", Playing With FireNot an alternate reality.
Relationships: Rand al'Thor/Elayne Trakand, mention of Nynaeve al'Maera/Lan Mandragoran, mention of Rand al'Thor/Egwene al'Vere
Series: Other Eyes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708453
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a point of view exercise, to try to write in a character's mindset and to theorize what's behind his reactions.

Studying the leather-bound volume propped against the knee he had hooked over the arm of his chair, Rand tried to ignore the changes in his rooms. Before he had gone to sleep last night, a near-army of servants, led by the majhere herself, had whisked out the mess from the fight with his reflections. Aside from the missing mirrors he had destroyed, nothing suggested the devastation he had caused. _But I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I have to find a way before I destroy everything I touch._ Now that he had rid himself of Torean and his cronies, he intended to look for answers, at least until he had to deal with the next batch of High Lords later this morning. There had been a tantalizing mention of a “Mayener artifact” in another book he had read... Thinking of Mayene reminded him of last night, and he suddenly realized the door had opened and shut behind someone entering – someone stepping lightly, in slippers, not boots, and there was a pleasant scent of perfume…

 _Burn her! I thought I made myself clear last night_ … He closed the book and leaped to his feet, before she could come any closer, but instead of Berelain, Egwene was looking at him like she was seeing him for the first time, and beside her was Elayne with an expression of mild concern. Light! He had probably startled them, jumping up like that. 

“I thought you were…someone else,” he explained, cutting himself off before naming Berelain. Either of them finding out about her visit would be embarrassing, in different ways, but neither seemed to notice his slip. They were both garbed in Tairen styles, though Egwene had a small red shawl wrapped about the shoulders her dress would have bared. Elayne’s blue silk had a considerably deeper neckline than he had ever seen on either woman, if not nearly so much as…he flushed. _Enough of that!_ Much prettier than Berelain, her demeanor not nearly so…suggestive, though somehow much more intriguing. He flushed again, glancing from her to Egwene hoping they hadn’t realized where his mind was wandering. 

Just to put that subject out of his mind altogether, he added, “Some…” _don’t say women! They’re not her!_ “…people want things I cannot give. Things I will not give.” For that matter, what was Egwene doing in his rooms first thing in the morning? “What do you want? Did Moiraine send you? Are you supposed to convince me to do what she wants?” Egwene and Nynaeve both had been spending much of their time on Aes Sedai business since they came to the Stone, and from the set of her face, Egwene almost certainly had a purpose coming to his rooms. 

“Don’t be a goose,” Egwene snapped. “I do not want you to start a war!” They knew all about what Moiraine was up to, it seemed.

“We came to…to help you, if we can,” added Elayne. 

“You know about her plans for…” he started to retort, but the Daughter-Heir’s words sunk in. “Help me? How? That is what Moiraine says.” Though Elayne sounded as if she was actually offering, rather than insisting on her own way and calling it help, like Moiraine usually did. 

Egwene, however, wasn’t seeming to have any. Staring down her nose at him as if their heights were reversed, she could have been back in Emond’s Field, and convinced he was going to be difficult. “I told you not to be a fool, Rand al’Thor. You may have Tairens bowing to your boots, but I remember when Nynaeve switched your bottom for letting Mat talk you into stealing a jar of apple brandy.” Just exactly like back home.

He grinned in spite of himself. She was probably not working some scheme of Moiraine’s if she was dropping into her old self so fast. And it was funny to remember. Even Elayne seemed amused. Her face was smooth, but a delighted light shone in her eyes. They seemed especially blue today. “We had just turned thirteen,” he said for Elayne’s benefit. “She found us asleep behind your father’s stable,” he addressed Egwene again, “and our heads hurt so much we didn’t even feel her switch.” 

At her skeptical look, he added, “Not like when you threw that bowl at her head. Remember? She’d dosed you with dog-weed tea because you had been moping about for a week, and as soon as you tasted it, you hit her with her best bowl. Light, did you squeal! When was that? Two years ago come this…”

“We are not here to talk over old times,” Egwene cut him off, twitching her shawl. She never liked being reminded of her own misadventures, but it served her right, bringing up the switching in front of Elayne. 

Still, they said they wanted to help, so he might as well let her off the hook. Giving her a pleasant smile he asked “You are here to help me, you say? With what? I don’t suppose you know how to make a High Lord keep his word when I’m not staring over his shoulder.” Actually, Elayne might. Her mother ruled a nation, after all, and had probably taught her that sort of thing. “Or how to stop unwanted dreams? I could surely use help with…” Abruptly he cut off, realizing where his thoughts were taking him. _Burn you that was in your head, Elayne didn’t take off her dress in front of you! No call to be thinking of that just because she’s in your bedchamber._

He changed the subject quickly before his tongue slipped more than it already had. “What about the Old Tongue? Did you learn any of that in the White Tower?” Turning to avoid their gaze, he fumbled in the books trying to find anything else to fix their attention before he blurted out something worse. “I have a copy here…somewhere…of…”

“Rand,” Egwene stated, then repeated herself, not unkindly. “Rand, I cannot read the Old Tongue. We had other things to learn.” 

“It was too much to hope,” he sighed as he straightened up. Just as well. He had no idea what he’d have them translate, anyway. He avoided their eyes, sure the thoughts inspired by his dreams were all over his face. Egwene didn’t need be hurt by them, and Elayne likely still saw him as the mud-footed farmer who had fallen off a wall into her mother’s gardens. She might have joked that he was handsome at their parting to get the last word, but it was no reason to be so presumptuous even in his thoughts. 

“We came to help you with channeling, with the Power,” Egwene added.

“If we can,” amended Elayne. 

How could they help him? He had asked Moiraine, had asked Verin for help, but every Aes Sedai who knew he could channel insisted no woman could teach any man. Egwene & Elayne were only Accepted, what could they do that an experienced sister could not? “I have more chance of reading the Old Tongue than you do of…” Unless…. “Are you sure this isn’t Moiraine’s doing? Did she send you here? Thinks she can convince me by some roundabout way, does she? Some twisty Aes Sedai plot I’ll not see the point of until I am mired in it?” 

Scoffing at himself for letting a pretty face distract him, he pulled on his coat. They didn’t deserve to have Moiraine using them as dupes. He should just send them away. “I agreed to meet some more of the High Lords this morning. If I don’t keep an eye on them, they just find ways to get around what I want. They’ll learn sooner or later. I rule Tear, now. Me. The Dragon Reborn.” Best if they reported that to Moiraine. He had no intention of letting her thwart him any more than the High Lords. “I will teach them. You will have to excuse me.” 

A light appeared in Egwene’s eye, but he was not going to let her stand in his own bedchamber shouting at him until he agreed to swallow the Aes Sedai’s hook. He braced himself to respond to her coming tirade, but it wasn't she who spoke up first. 

“No one sent us. No one.” Elayne's tone was fierce, even indignant that he would doubt them. “We came because…because we care for you. Perhaps it will not work, but you can try. If I…if we care enough to try, you can try, too. Is it so unimportant to you that you cannot spare us an hour? For you life?”

She was sincere, he realized. Elayne was usually the picture of composure, but now she seemed truly offended as if her offer was honest. Her words made an oddly fitting counterpart to his dream. _Do you not deserve what you want for a change?_ Shaking himself as he recalled where he was, he glanced away, toward Egwene. 

“I will try,” he told them ducking both their gazes. “It’ll do no good, but I will…What do you want me to do?”

Egwene paused a moment, then drew a deep breath, saying “Look at me. What do you see? What do you feel? Look at me, Rand.” 

He looked up to her face. There was nothing different that he could tell. “I see you. What am I supposed to see? Are you touching the Source?” He couldn’t see anything to indicate one way or another. “Egwene, Moiraine has channeled around me a hundred times, and I never saw anything. Except what she did. It doesn’t work that way. Even I know that much.”

“I am stronger than Moiraine,” she insisted. “She would be whimpering on the floor, or insensible, if she tried to hold as much as I hold now.” And Egwene thought he had a big head? She shuddered as if she realized how she sounded and went on. “You are as strong as I. I know it; you must be. Feel, Rand. What do you feel?” 

“I don’t feel anything,” he protested. This was getting uncomfortable. “Goose bumps,” he blurted without thinking. “And no wonder. It’s not that I don’t trust you, Egwene, but I cannot help being nervous when a woman is channeling around me. I am sorry.” The tingling in his skin faded once he spoke of it.

“I am not touching the Source now, Rand,” she replied, fortunately not making issue of whatever caused her lips to tighten momentarily. She stepped closer to him, looking for a reaction. “Do you still feel goosebumps?”

“No. But that’s just because you told me.” Even as he spoke, the uneasy tingle stole back over his skin. “You see? I started thinking about it and I have them again.”

Egwene beamed. “You can sense a woman embracing the Source, Rand. Elayne is doing just that right now.” Looking at Elayne didn’t show him anything. He wondered if she wasn’t causing him to feel goosebumps some other way. 

Egwene continued “It doesn’t matter what you see or don’t see. You felt it. We have that much. Let’s see what else we can find. Rand, embrace the Source. Embrace _saidin_.” The last bit came out rough, maybe a touch reluctant, not that he blamed her. 

Reaching out, he seized the male half of the One Power and felt it roar through him. It didn’t always work when he tried it, but he managed just fine this time. The burning cold torrent surged against his will, trying to drown him, to bury him, crush him. He made himself hold it, just hold it, not doing anything, until Egwene or Elayne could feel it. As ever, his senses were sharper and the world seemed a brighter place. He could see a faint sheen of sweat on Egwene’s brow, whether from the heat or knowledge of his channeling, he could not guess. He could smell the perfume that he had noticed when they entered. It was definitely worn by Elayne, a sweet scent of roses, it blended with her own scent that he could not have detected without the Power in him. The blue of her eyes and her dress, and the gems on her necklace and in her hair all seemed to glow against the cream of her skin and the reddish gold of her tresses. 

Flushing at himself, he tore his eyes away and down at the floor. He could still hear her breath, and Egwene’s. A glimpse at Egwene showed her peering at him, but in puzzlement, with no sign that she guessed his thoughts. 

She didn’t notice his discomfiture and turned to Elayne. “Do you see anything? Or feel anything?” 

Elayne was looking just as intently at him. He looked down again before he met her eyes. “He could just be standing there for all I can tell. Are you sure he is doing anything?” 

“He can be stubborn, but he isn’t foolish,” Egwene replied, looking him over herself. A trickle of annoyance oozed across the void. He was glad they didn’t notice his reactions to Elayne or his guilt over Egwene, but it felt like they were looking over a mule and discussing whether he was likely to do his job or kick! “At least, he isn’t foolish most of the time.”

“Well, stubborn or foolish or something else, I feel nothing at all.” They could try asking if he was doing anything! Felt nothing did she? Coming to his room in silk and gems like a queen from a gleeman’s tale, while he wrestled with _saidin_ , so they could try sensing it, and talking to Egwene like he was just a bloody statue! 

Egwene’s tone became a lecturing one with the frown she usually wore when he wasn’t doing just what she wanted. “You said you would do as we asked, Rand. Are you?” Oh, now they asked him? He wove flows of what he was fairly sure were Air - they seemed yellow to his eyes - one for each woman…. “If you felt something, so should I, and I do not…eeep!” The flow made a pinch on her bottom and Elayne’s. For just a moment he felt a prick of shame. He really didn’t know what he was doing and it could have come out much worse than just a pinch…

“That was not nice,” Egwene snapped in high dudgeon, talking to him like he was a disobedient child, as she always did when her back was up and someone, usually male, usually him, failed to take her seriously. He suppressed a grin. Well, it wasn’t like he had actually put his hands on them, after all.

“You said you wanted to feel something,” he joked as the grin slipped out, “and I just thought-“ A searing shock, like a small lightning bolt, tore through his left buttock and he roared in pain. It felt like a burn, but his whole leg tingled. He staggered trying to walk some feeling back into the limb, but now the burn was making each step agony. _Light, it was just a bloody pinch on the flaming bottom! Bloody woman always has to be the best, always has to be in charge, and if she can’t do what she thinks she should, it’s everyone else’s flaming fault._ “Blood and ashes, Egwene! There was no need to…” _she can bloody well talk over my head like I’m not even in the flaming room, but Light forbid I don’t show her the respect due an Aes Sedai and the whole bloody Women’s Circle put together!_

Egwene, of course, wasn’t the least bit apologetic. Facing him in her best imitation of her mother, or maybe Nynaeve, she declared “I would have expected something like that from Mat. I thought you, at least, had grown up.” Grown up?! She was the one who just had to retaliate! Who burned half of whose rear end off, over a small joke? “We came here to help you, if we can” Some help. He could barely walk! “Try to cooperate,” she went on as sanctimoniously as if he had actually done her any harm. “Do something with the Power, something that isn’t childish. Perhaps we will be able to sense that.” Light! He barely knew what he was doing! It was a wonder he had actually managed to hold that tide of freezing fire to the trickles he wove to pinch them, and nothing more!

He glared at her as he began letting the Power out into different flows. “Do something. You had no call to – I’ll limp for – You want me to do something?” He show her. He’d show them both. He could control it. Nothing dangerous…well, maybe something a little dangerous, show them what he was trying to keep under his grip. But not to harm them, no, he’d shield them from whatever this turned out to be. He imagined the two women safe, protected from the Power and held that firmly in part of his mind, and the rest he turned loose. Heat and fire came easiest with the Power, it felt like that, and he began channeling them into objects around the room. The tables. The fireplace. That gaudy silver and gold statue above it.

“You want me to do something?” he snapped at them. He finished the weave on the tables. “Do you like this?” Then the fireplace, not tying them off as he had his flow the night before, instead just letting the Power flow into everything he was forming. He was fury, with _saidin_ in him, but it was exultant as well. He refined the flows into the statue, using Earth to pull at things which resonated with the flows. “Or this?” More and more of the One Power rushed through him, demanding to be let out, to be used. He could barely keep it restrained, and kept feeding it into the weaves he had going, adding new ones as he scrambled to find outlets for it all.

“Do something! Do something!” he growled as he felt the flows slipping away from him. What did they want? Channel, don’t channel, don’t be childish, let them help, come swimming… “Do you have any idea what it is like to touch _saidin_ , to hold it? Do you? I can feel the madness waiting. Seeping into me!” The flows rushed out of his grasp, going on their own. 

Suddenly, Rand was aware of the room again. The tables he had channeled into were dancing and had burst into flame. The statue above the fireplace was melting into a sheet of silver & gold cloth, books were swirling through the air, and his mattress had seemingly exploded as burned feathers fell about the room like snow. What was worse, Egwene and Elayne were hanging above the floor, held up only by yellowish flows of _saidin_. He couldn’t feel any goose bumps, why wouldn’t they even be holding the Power? Abruptly he realized he could feel himself holding them in a way that wasn’t really visible, just holding them away from something. Something pounding at his grip. He withdrew the grip and the flows holding them up disappeared. He dismissed the flows creating the flames in the fireplace, and whatever he had been doing to the statue, and the tables…their flames were still burning naturally, but he snuffed them out and pushed _saidin_ away as he felt the tingle of the two women seizing the Power again. 

Elayne and Egwene were back on the floor and then the feathers floating around him began moving together, flying toward what was left of the mattress. He flinched as they cleaned up the mess he had made in a fit of temper. He was going to need to trouble more than just them, servants would have to set the room back to rights, and just when it seemed he had gotten back on the majhere’s good side, too. 

“The majhere may not want to give me another. A mattress a day is probably more than she’s willing to…” he broke off his false laughter. This was no joking matter. He owed Egwene and Elayne an apology. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to … Sometimes it runs wild. Sometimes there’s nothing there when I reach for it, and sometimes it does things I don’t…I’m sorry. Perhaps you’d better go. I seem to say that a lot.” _Light, again! They’re not Berelain, you fool!_

He cleared his throat and tried to reassure them. “I’m not touching the Source, but maybe you had best go.”

“We’re not done yet,” Egwene said, in a tightly controlled voice. It was plain that she wanted to give him the rough edge of her tongue, but it seemed that he had managed to teach her to think twice about that. _You can’t make the High Lords listen, you can barely chase a half-naked woman out of your own bed chamber, but you can frighten a friend who wants to help you!_

“And we will not go until we are,” Elayne added firmly. She didn’t seem the least deterred. “You said you would try. You must try.” 

“I did say that, didn’t I?” Even less disconcerted than Berelain. Of course, he wasn’t covered in blood from a nightmare come to life, but then, he hadn’t seized Berelain with the Power and held her helpless in midair while he very nearly destroyed the whole room around her. “At least we can sit down.” 

His…leg…was still sore. Perhaps if he wasn’t standing on it, he’d keep his temper better. Best to get them away from the mess he made, and the burnt stink. Elayne might be as cool as if he’d done no more than spill some wine, but Egwene was plainly upset. He had left heaps of books on the chairs by the windows but he cleared them off his chair, and helped Elayne with the stack on hers. She smiled at him in thanks as he took the books, and sat, smoothing her skirts beneath her, as he set them all down. Egwene added some more books from her chair to the pile and sat as well. 

“What do you want me to do?” Rand asked sitting with his hands on his knees, trying to keep some of the weight off his bottom. Trying to put them at their ease, he added “I promise I won’t do anything but what you ask this time.” 

Egwene looked a bit annoyed still, but her voice was smoother as she said, “This time we just want you to talk. How do you embrace the Source? Just tell us. Take it step by step, slowly.” 

“More like wrestling than embracing,” he replied thoughtfully. He described how he formed the flame and the void, and Egwene recognized what he was talking about, mentioning that his father had talked about the same thing. Tam had taught it to him, but he couldn’t truly call the man his father. If he wanted to doubt the story that Tam had found him after a battle with the Aiel, well, the Aiel in the Stone seemed to believe it. He had avoided asking Rhuarc if he knew who the Maiden was who had gone into battle carrying him near her time. It was foolish, but it felt like he could hold on to Tam a bit longer if he couldn’t put actual names to the woman who bore him and the man who had sired him. 

He went on to describe the sensations of the Void and mentioned, without going into detail, Selene and her own name for it. It seemed odd that she had affected him so when they traveled together. Now, the recollection of a dream stirred him more than the memory of an actual woman. 

“Emptiness,” Elayne responded to his description. “No emotion. That doesn’t sound very much like what we do.” She gave a delicate shiver, her shoulders gleaming above the light blue silk. 

Egwene thought otherwise and insisted on the similarities eagerly. Her own method involved imagining a rosebud instead of a flame, and he could see why she perceived a sameness, but as she went on, it was plain that she was far off the mark. “…That is the key to it, Rand. I am sure. You must learn to surrender…” He shook his head and she trailed off.

“That’s nothing like what I do,” he objected. “Let it fill me? I have to reach out and take hold of _saidin_. Sometimes there’s still nothing there when I do, nothing I can touch, but if I didn’t reach for it, I could stand there forever and nothing would happen. It fills me all right, once I take hold, but surrender to it? Egwene, if I surrendered – even for a minute – _saidin_ would consume me. It’s like a river of molten metal, an ocean of fire, all the light of the sun gathered in one spot. I must fight it to make it do what I want, fight it to keep from being eaten up.” 

Elayne had a slight frown as she listened and Egwene looked puzzled, as if he was describing something beyond their experience. "I do know what you mean about life filling you, though, even with the taint turning my stomach. Colors are sharper, smells clearer. Everything is more real somehow. I don’t want to let go, once I have it, even while it’s trying to swallow me. But the rest…Face the facts, Egwene. The Tower is right about this. Accept it for the truth, because it is.”

Egwene shook her head, of course. “I will accept it when it is proved to me.” In spite of her typical stubbornness, she didn’t sound quite that sure of herself. “Can you tell the flows apart?” she asked, coming up with a new path. “Air, Water, Spirit, Earth, Fire?”

“Sometimes,” Rand said, thinking of the color he might have seen. “Not usually. I just take what I need to do what I want. Fumble for it, mostly. It’s very strange. Sometimes I need to do a thing, and I do it, but only afterward do I know what it was I did, or how. It’s almost like remembering something I’ve forgotten. But I can remember how to do it again. Most of the time.” What sprang to mind was his shield on her and Elayne that he thought might have kept them from channeling, but he couldn’t for the life of him recall just what he had done, or how to do it again. Best not to remind them of it, though. 

“Yet, you do remember how,” Egwene continued. “How did you set fire to those tables?” 

He had no answer for her, though he couldn’t think why he should be expected to know. “I don’t know.” Why was it so important to him that he not look ignorant to them? He couldn’t explain why, but it was. “When I want fire, for a lamp or a fireplace, I just make, but I do not know how. I don’t really need to think to do things with fire.” From her expression, Egwene actually accepted that, but she didn’t seem to know what to move on with.

Instead Elayne had a question. “Do you know how you extinguished them? You seemed to think before they went out.” Had she actually noticed what he was doing, while he was tossing her and Egwene and half the books in the room about? Light, she could keep a cool head! 

“That I do remember, because I don’t believe I have ever done it before.” Rand was glad to have an answer for her. “I took in the heat from the tables and spread it into the stone of the fireplace; a fireplace wouldn’t even notice that much heat.” He was actually rather proud of devising such a neat solution in the moment, though it was small turnips next to everything else he had done at the time, but Elayne had a different reaction than he had expected, gasping, and holding her arm, as if it pained her, and Egwene winced visibly and drew an unsteady breath.

“What’s the matter?” he asked. 

Egwene sighed. “I think you just proved the difference to me.”

“Oh.” Rand didn’t know what to say to that. “Does that mean you’re ready to give up?” 

“No!” she fired back with her usual ginger, before moderating her voice. At least she wasn’t taking her irritation out on him. “Maybe my teachers were right, but there has to be a way. Some way. Only I cannot think of one, right now.” 

“You tried. I thank you for that,” he told her. For all he had been suspicious when they came in, they had tried, and through more than they could be expected to put up with. “It is not your fault it didn’t work.”

“There must be a way,” Egwene still insisted.

“We will find it,” Elayne added softly. “We will.”

“Of course you will,” Rand forced himself to sound like he believed it. They were talking about saidin, after all. At best, they might teach him to channel properly in time for him to go mad. “But not today.” In spite of everything, their conversation had actually turned pleasant. “I suppose you’ll be going, then.” It was probably for the best, before he ruined things again. “I do need to tell the High Lords a few things about taxes this morning. They seem to think you can take as much from a farmer in a poor year as a good without beggaring him.” It occurred to him once more that perhaps Elayne might be able to help him with that. If he asked her… “And I suppose you have to get back to questioning those Darkfriends.” No. She had already done enough, coming with Egwene for this. He couldn’t ask her to take more time from her White Tower business. 

“We do, but not right away,” said Egwene. She was set to tell him something, he could see, and she expected an argument, though she clearly meant to have her way. He wondered for a moment if her attempt to help him with his channeling was just a ploy to soften him up for this, but Elayne had seemed awfully sincere for that. Egwene too, but she was always sincere in whatever she was about, no matter why she was doing it. “Rand…” she began, as she tugged her odd shawl around herself. “Rand, I cannot marry you.”

“I know,” he said understanding. Well, if she hadn’t come to his rooms to tell him this, his letting loose with the Power like that had surely driven it home. 

“I do not mean to hurt you – really, I don’t – but I do not want to marry you.” Sometimes Rand did wonder why he bothered agreeing. She meant to convince him, and she was going to say all she had to say, whether he needed convincing or not. 

Nonetheless, Rand tried again. “I understand, Egwene. I know what I am. No woman could…”

“You wool-brained idiot! This has nothing to do with you channeling.” Well, ‘wool-brained idiot’ wasn’t a bad reason, either. “I do not love you! At least, not in the way to want to marry you.”

“You don’t…love me?” Rand was astonished. _Why? You don’t love her that way, do you?_ Nevertheless, it was still surprising.

“Please try to understand, people change, Rand,” Egwene told him kindly. “Feelings change. When people are apart, sometimes they grow apart. I love you as I would a brother, perhaps more than a brother, but not to marry. Can you understand that?”

Rand smiled ruefully. “I really am a fool. I didn’t really believe you might change, too.” It was a weight off his shoulders he didn’t realize he’d felt since she came into his rooms. That he’d felt every time they encountered each other in the Stone. It had just been easier to avoid her, to use the excuse of their duties, than to be around her, trying to act like everything was the same. “Egwene, I do not want to marry you, either. I did not want to change, I didn’t try to, but it happened. If you knew how much this means to me. Not having to pretend. Not being afraid I’ll hurt you. I never wanted to do that, Egwene. Never to hurt you.” 

“I am glad you are taking it so well,” she said rising. He thought she nearly smiled, and her tone was plainly humoring him. “You will find someone else,” she said gently as she bent to kiss his cheek. 

He almost laughed at her in turn. Find someone else? He had known Egwene all their lives, and she didn’t want him. What woman would bother trying to know the man beneath the Dragon Reborn, or even merely onee who could channel? He even didn’t have time to find anyone else, but knowing Egwene, if he demurred, she’d start dragging him through the Stone asking every woman they met to dance or walk out with him. Instead he rose with her, saying “Of course,” as if he hadn’t any doubts. 

“You will,” she insisted, but for a wonder, left it at that as she left his rooms. Before the door closed behind her, he could see her pulling her shawl off her shoulders, like she felt free, as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dialogue and actions are the same (I have no idea what “For you life” is supposed to mean or what it was supposed to be. This phrase has not been corrected in any American edition of the book I have ever read, so I left it verbatim). This is not an A/U, just the same encounters through a different eye. In cases where there are discrepancies between Jordan’s novel and this story, they are deliberate reflections of Rand’s and Egwene’s opinions. Naturally, they have very different assessments about their relationship and interactions. Egwene might come across differently than in the books, but I tried to write this as I think Rand would have seen her, and more in line with their interactions through the rest of book 4 and book 5, rather than what he felt in the first two books. 
> 
> Rand’s description of how the weave Elayne used on him feels is inspired by the Wheel of Time PC game, where one of the attacks is a lightning bolt and the in-game description of the attack includes the quote about Rand reacting to the weave. Also, Elayne is demonstrably stronger in Air than Fire and would be more likely, based on her instincts in some combat situations, to use lighting, which includes Air, than pure Fire. Rand’s description of the flows of Air as yellow is not in the books, but taken from a statement by Robert Jordan that the different flows have different colors to channelers' eyes. 
> 
> This is one of the very few WoT scenes where a major PoV character doesn't have the PoV of the incident. I might try to do another one, but for the most part, Jordan did a good job picking which of the PoV characters should narrate a scene. I tried Rand & Mat on the road from Mat's PoV, and Emond's Field from Egwene's but neither one really worked.


	2. Harder Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Added the next chapter in the book, also from Rand's PoV, with an original coda

_Is she really glad to be free of me?_ Rand wondered, staring at the door that had closed behind Egwene. _Aren’t you? Fair is fair._ Yet he hadn’t wanted to believe it, no matter how glad he was to hear it. At least his dreaming of other women, or noticing them, wasn’t … well, it hadn’t been wrong before, but now he wasn’t being disrespectful to her. _Is that really so important? You have more than enough on your plate, you don’t need the freedom to ogle Berelain or_ … He turned, shifting slightly with the pain in his leg, and suddenly realized Elayne had not left, had not moved, in fact, since they had stopped talking about the One Power. 

Light, he hadn’t even realized she was there! He cast his mind back over what he and Egwene had said to one another but recalled nothing truly embarrassing. Still, it must have been awkward for her to sit through. Trying to remember his manners he bowed briefly. “I did not realize you were still…” _Don’t say you forgot she was there!_ “I mean…I didn’t…that is, I…" _Oh, yes, that’s much better!_

Taking a deep breath, he tried to start over. “I am not as much of a fool as I sound, my Lady.” Polite, respectful. That was how to go on. He had never been alone with Elayne before. She was always with Egwene, and often Nynaeve or Moiraine as well. When they first met, her brother had been with her, and then the guards and… “It isn’t every day that someone tells you they don’t love you, my Lady.” That should explain his awkwardness.

Elayne sat upright and still, regal and perfectly at ease as if entertaining a guest in her own rooms. Her words were scolding, but the humor in her eyes made light of it. “If you call me that again, I shall call you my Lord Dragon. And curtsy. Even the Queen of Andor might curtsy to you, and I am only Daughter-Heir.” 

“Light! Don’t do that,” he protested. Elayne curtsying to him seemed wrong, somehow. The servants and the Tairen noblewomen curtsied to him, and he just couldn’t think of Elayne in those terms. It would be like, well, like Egwene or Nynaeve curtsying, or Mat or Perrin bowing. 

“I will not, Rand,” she said, no longer scolding, nor joking. “If you call me by my name. Elayne. Say it.”

“Elayne,” he repeated. It was the first time he had ever addressed her so familiarly, and it felt pleasant. Right.

“Good,” she smiled. “Did it hurt you very much? What Egwene told you, I mean?” 

Well, he certainly wasn’t going to admit his bottom was still sore. He had made more than enough fuss over that for today. “No. Yes. Some.” He spoke honestly, without thinking. “I don’t know. Fair is fair, after all.” He grinned as he realized how he must sound. “I sound a fool again, don’t I?”

“No,” she denied. “Not to me.”

“I told her the pure truth, but I don’t think she believed me. I suppose I did not want to believe it of her, either. Not really.” He was babbling a bit, but he wanted someone to believe he was all right with Egwene. For some reason, it seemed especially important that Elayne understand, but she didn’t need to hear everything. “If that isn’t foolish, I don’t know what is.”

The Daughter-Heir shifted her tone back to mock reprimand. “If you tell me one more time that you are a fool, I may begin to believe it. I saw a Cairhienin lord’s fool, once, a man in a funny striped coat, too big for him and sewn with bells. You would look silly wearing bells.” 

Rand grinned at her, remembering costumes like that in the Foregate. “I suppose I would.” He had felt foolish trying to pass as a lord when visiting Barthanes Damodred’s manor, and here he was bantering with the Daughter-Heir. “I will try to remember that.” _Stop talking about yourself. She doesn’t need you bowing and scraping like one of those Tairen lickspittles!_ The least he could do was treat her like a person, too. Thinking of the Tairens gave him an idea, as she straightened her skirts.

“Would you like a flower?” he offered. He thought he remembered what he had done last night…

Elayne blinked at him. “A flower?” 

“Yes.” He moved to the bed and grabbed some of the feathers lying atop the burnt mattress. “I made one for the majhere last night. You’d have thought I had given her the Stone.” Though, really, Elayne deserved better than a servant, now that he thought on it. “But yours will be much prettier. Much prettier, I promise.”

“Rand, I -” Elayne started to say, but he hurried on to reassure her.

“I will be careful. It only takes a trickle of the Power. Just a thread, and I will be very careful.” 

“I would like that, Rand,” she said, showing no more concern than if he’d offered to pluck the flower from a garden, instead of using the Power. Despite being alone with a man who could channel, in a room he had already destroyed twice in less than a day, she wasn’t even holding _saidar._

Not that she had anything to worry about. No matter how Rand strained, he couldn’t reach the True Source. Finally he dropped the pile of feathers, and cast about for something to say. “Flowers,” he muttered. “That’s no fit gift for you.” He lurched painfully over to the odd metal cloth he had somehow woven from the melting gold and silver statue. At least it was something he had made… He gathered it up and tried to think of something Elayne could do with it, but it really didn’t seem that practical. 

“I’m sure a seamstress will have many ideas,” Elayne said as she knelt to clean up the feathers he had dropped. For some reason she folded them up in a silk handkerchief, rather than putting them back on the mattress. He offered to have the maids take care of it, but she merely said “Well, this bit is done.” In spite of her efforts, she did not seem to know what to do with the feathers, tucking them into her belt pouch once she had wrapped them up. He supposed she didn’t pay much attention to what servants did when they cleaned up. Not that he was entirely sure himself. For that matter, he wondered what she might do with the cloth he held over his arm. 

Elayne came up to him and indicated the cloth, saying, “The majhere must have seamstresses. I will give that to one of them.” Well, he had managed something. She did seem pleased. Abruptly she asked him, “Rand, do you…like me?”

“Like you?” What did she mean? “Of course, I like you. I like you very much.” 

“I am fond of you, Rand. More than fond,” she added, as calm as saying she was enjoying the day’s weather. 

“I am fond of you.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. He did like her, but hearing she was fond of him was more than he would have expected. _Then where did that dream come from?_

As if she read his mind, Elayne cut him off. “I am not usually so forward.” He flushed. There was _no_ way for her to know about the dream, she couldn’t _possibly_ be talking about that. She continued, “Soon I will have to go, Rand. To leave Tear. I may not see you again for months. I could not go without letting you know how I feel. And I am…very fond of you.” 

“Elayne, I am fond of you. I feel…” He groped for the right words. “I want…” He wanted to tell her whatever she wished to hear, but he had no idea what that was. She spoke so easily, as if their fondness for one another was a trifling thing, but he had no wish to embarrass them both by going too far. “Elayne, I don’t know what to say, how to…”

She blushed prettily. He had put his foot in it somehow, with all his fumbling. “Rand, I am not asking for…I only wanted you to know how I feel. That is all.” She stepped very close to him, looking up at him, and he couldn’t speak or move. “Rand…” she began. “Rand, I want you to kiss me.”

“Kiss you?” Rand was startled. “Elayne, I don’t want to promise more than … I mean, it isn’t as if we were betrothed.” What did he think he was saying? Betrothed?! “Not that I am suggesting we should be. It’s just that…” What did he want? What did he feel for her? “I am fond of you, Elayne. More than fond. I just do not want you to think I…” He had no idea what he wanted to say.

Elayne laughed, a noblewoman amused at an awkward shepherd. “I do not know how things are done in the Two Rivers, but in Caemlyn, you don’t wait until you are betrothed before kissing a girl, nor does it mean you must become betrothed, either. But perhaps you do not know how…”

Rand might have been tired of nobles suggesting he was backwards just for treating women with respect. He might have felt that he had to prove something to her. He might even have been frustrated with the conversation and looking for a way to end their dancing words back and forth. But mostly he wanted to kiss Elayne. So he did. He worried for a moment that she might have been joking, not expecting him to honor her request, but she leaned closer to him, her arms twined about his neck, and her mouth moved with his. 

“Forgive me for interrupting you,” he gasped once they had pulled apart from each other. He felt Elayne’s weight in his arms and against his chest, but it was very pleasant and no burden at all. “I am just a backward shepherd from the Two Rivers,” he half-joked, part of him still expecting outrage at him misunderstanding her and acting on a bloody dream.

Her face pressed against his coat, Elayne softly replied, “You are uncouth, and you did not shave this morning, but I would not say you are backward.” 

Now that he had acted on his impulse, his concerns came flooding back. She didn’t seem at all upset but what did she think he meant by it? “Elayne, I-“ She stopped him with a hand over his mouth.

“I do not want to hear anything from you that you do not mean with your whole heart. Not now, or ever.” Thinking of his equivocations when she first asked him to kiss her, he decided she wasn’t interested in hearing whatever he would have come out with, but as he nodded, he wondered what, exactly, she did want. 

Elayne stepped away from him, brushing at her hair with her fingers, with a pensive look on her face, before she spoke up. “I expect you will not lack for company after I go. Just remember that some women see a man with their hearts, while others see no more than a bauble to wear, no different than a necklace or a bracelet.” They did? What was she talking about? “Remember that I will come back, and I am one who sees with her heart.” Suddenly he remembered the look in Berelain’s eye the night before. How did she know? She couldn’t! 

“Do you know what you have not said to me?” Elayne asked in a lighter tone. “You have not tried to frighten me away by telling me how dangerous you are. Don’t try now. It is too late.”

“I did not think of it,” Rand replied. Elayne had been at Falme, she had hunted Darkfriend Aes Sedai through the Stone the night it fell to the Aiel while he was fighting the Forsaken, and from her unflappable composure today, he couldn’t imagine she would pay heed to such a warning. It certainly hadn’t worked with Egwene, back when he first learned he could channel, and he doubted Elayne was any less…

A thought occurred to him. “Did you and Egwene scheme this up between you?” He couldn’t begin to see why, not to mention how that would have worked, but Elayne offering him a kiss right on the heels of Egwene’s departure…

“How could you even consider such a thing?” demanded Elayne, indignantly. “Do you imagine we would hand you around between us like a package?” Outrage crept into her tone as she continued. “You think a good deal of yourself. There is such a thing as being over-proud.” He didn’t see how that made him proud, to think he might be treated like a package, but… He didn’t know how to reply.

Elayne cocked her head at him and asked him a new question. “Are you sorry for what you did to us, Rand?” Did she mean his suspicion? He decided to play it safe. 

“I did not mean to frighten you. Egwene made me angry; she’s always been able to without half trying.” Best not to say he had been annoyed at Elayne, too. She hadn’t been the one to scorch his bottom, after all. “That’s no excuse, I know. I said I was sorry, and I am. Look what it got me. Burned tables and another mattress ruined.” 

Her expression gave not a hint of her thoughts as she asked, “And for…the pinch?” 

He flushed. He had had no business doing that to Elayne, what had he been thinking? But he found himself saying anyway “No. No, I am not sorry for that. The two of you talking over my head, as I were a lump of wood with no ears.” Well, she had said she didn’t want to hear anything he didn’t mean. No women ever really meant that, though. “You deserved as much, both of you, and I won’t say different.” He expected she’d scorch his ears now as bad as Egwene had scorched his bottom. 

Elayne didn’t respond, merely gazed at him thoughtfully. Before Rand could wonder if that had finally crossed a line with her, he became aware of a tingling, first just of her possibly channeling, but it seemed to spread to his sore buttock, which… eased away. The soreness receded, and as he tried his weight, there was no pain! Why would she do that when he refused to apologize?

When he looked at her, Elayne replied to the unspoken question, “For being honest.”

Before Rand could make a response, one of the Stone Dogs, Perrin’s friend Gaul, rapped on the door and ducked his head in. Elayne blushed for some reason – she was standing far enough away that there was nothing to be embarrassed about - but the Aiel was announcing the arrival of the High Lords. “I will go, then,” she said. “You must tell them about – taxes, was it not? Think on what I have said.” 

He reached a hand, to bid farewell, or keep her from leaving, Rand wasn’t sure which, but she glided toward the door, avoiding his hand so gracefully she might never have noticed it. It was for the better, he realized, as the Tairens entered. Rand certainly did not want them to see him showing affection or anything they might consider weakness to exploit. He definitely did not want them thinking of Elayne in the way Torean had insinuated about Berelain earlier. She approached the door without stopping, and the High Lords, all powerful men, all at least old enough to be her father, cringed and bowed themselves out of her way. She might be “only the Daughter-Heir” but she was every bit as regal as a crowned queen, to their eyes as well as his, it seemed. She glanced back once, at him or the High Lords he could not say, her expression still cool and composed, then disappeared behind the closing door. 

...  
  
The sun was setting as Rand strode out of yet another meeting with several Tairen High Lords. The fourth today alone. Once again, they were insisting that there was no Cairhien market for the Tairen grain, and they kept claiming it was impossible to sell it to Illian, that the Illianers would never accept their proposals. They sounded almost plausible this time, even if their claims didn’t sound quite right. But without knowing how this sort of thing was undertaken in the first place, he couldn’t very well give them orders to sell the grain or not. He was sure if the High Lords ever caught on how much they might get away with due to his ignorance, he’d never accomplish anything in Tear. 

Rand sighed as he paused to watch the sun through the arches leading to the balcony outside. He was tempted to just abandon Tear and try going somewhere else, but soon or late, he would need to deal with the High Lords, if he was going to unite all the nations. And he’d likely just run into the same problem in another country. At least in Tear, there was Callandor, proof of who and what he was, and certainly a good part of the reason the Tairins accepted his rule as far as they did. He had to decide. 

“Rand?” The voice coming from the side corridor was a reminder of a much more pleasant meeting that day, and he turned to see Elayne approaching, her eyebrows raised in apparent surprise at encountering him. 

“Elayne,” he greeted her. “I met some of the High Lords down here.” As he moved toward her, the Red Shields who had guarded him all afternoon parted to let her pass. 

She fell in beside him as they kept walking. “Down here, and not your own rooms?” she asked, thoughtfully. 

“They were getting together and didn’t bother to tell me, so I thought I would invite myself,” he replied hesitantly. He wasn’t sure, in truth, if he should have summoned them. Thom’s note had only suggested the gathering wasn’t one he wanted to happen without him. 

“Ah. That’s just as well,” she smiled. “Usually it’s best to make your subjects come to you, to establish your authority, but you don’t want them to get into habits like avoiding you, either. It’s important that they don’t think they can put things over on you all the time.” 

It was good to hear his instincts were right. Moiraine never seemed to want to admit that; keeping him uncertain of his own choices would make him think he needed her advice. He needed someone’s. He couldn’t trust Moiraine not to trick him into following some White Tower scheme, and he got the feeling she was not very interested in helping him settle matters in Tear, that she wanted him to move on to the next step in her greater plan for the Dragon Reborn. There was Thom, but the gleeman wanted to avoid giving him open counsel, preferring to lie low so he could watch the High Lords unobserved. 

Rand considered the Daughter-Heir walking beside him, out of the corner of his eye. “Elayne, do you understand grain trading?” 

Her eyes widened briefly at the question, but she cautiously asked, “What do you want to know, Rand?”

“Why would someone not want to sell grain, or not want to buy it, even if they needed it? And how is it arranged for grain to be traded from one country to another? Who decides what the price is going to be? Can commoners buy it even if the nobles aren’t interested?” 

He found the questions pouring out as they occurred, based on half-formed plans, or ideas that might be the seeds of plans, but before he could apologize for overwhelming her, Elayne took a deep breath.

“The means depend largely on the nation in question. In Andor, for instance, the farmers sell grain directly to the merchants, and pay the price of a portion of the grain to the nobles on whose lands it was grown. Here in Tear, I understand the High Lords and Lords of the Land own the actual farms, so the grain belongs to them, with a portion due the farmers for their labor. There are taxes on what the farmers sell, and the grain merchants buy from the nobles, though the nobles’ clerks and factors do the actual trading on their behalf. It’s the High Lords who set the price for the whole country, I believe, but if they set it too high, the merchants might go elsewhere…” She went on in that vein for some little while, but she had a very direct and clear way of explaining things, that didn’t make him feel like his head was spinning.

In fact, just listening to her explanation was really rather pleasant, and after talking for a bit, she took his arm while they walked, which felt even better. As she explained how rulers and nobles might find it in their interests to suppress grain trade to increase their tax revenues, or protect other sources, he began to see things the High Lords had glossed over or omitted in their objections to his orders. 

“Does that help?” Elayne asked, as she finished. 

“Very much, thank you,” Rand said with a smile. “If it was up to you, would you try selling directly to another country to prevent the nobles interfering, or just let the merchants sort it out between themselves?” 

She was surprised again. “Truly, Rand, you should do as you feel best. I couldn’t be sure what you’re aiming at.” She clutched at his arm almost as if she was nervous or worried, though she looked her usual poised self. 

“I think I’d rather the merchants do it than enrich the High Lords any more than they’re already squeezing from everyone else in Tear,” he said. “But how can I be sure the merchants will sell it where I want, instead of going behind my back to keep in good with the High Lords?” 

“You have to ensure they’ll see their advantage is in doing things your way,” Elayne said as she frowned thoughtfully. “Usually, there are treaties between nations concerning the terms under which trade between them is taxed, and what rights or privileges each other’s merchants are accorded. If you could arrange favorable terms with the nation to which you want to sell, most merchants will see where their interest lies. Normally such treaties are made to mutual benefit, or as a favor to obtain concessions in other affairs, but offering a favorable treaty to start trade flowing in ways it normally does not should still work. At least for a while.” Her voice took on a note of warning. “Often if there is no trade taking place, there are other reasons for it, and you can waste a great deal of effort trying to force what will not happen.” 

“I’ll remember that,” Rand said. “I’ll need to talk to the High Lords on this. Again.” 

“I’m sure you’ll do fine,” the Daughter-Heir smiled and stroked his arm with her left hand. He realized her right was held in his own hand, but she wasn’t pulling it free, so he responded to her caress by squeezing her hand softly. The Aiel didn’t seem to following quite so closely, and were watching outward, not paying attention to Elayne at all. Apparently, they had decided she was trustworthy. 

“I thank you again,” he said looking down to her eyes. “I wouldn’t have found out from the High Lords, no matter how I came at them.” 

Elayne turned slightly to face him, gazing up to meet his eyes. “Well, I believe I established this morning the price you must pay for lessons, Rand, if you truly wish to show your gratitude.” With a small grin, she tugged him behind a square granite column. It wasn’t half the size of the great redstone columns in the Heart of the Stone, but it was more than enough for a moment’s privacy. 

After the moment, well, several pleasant moments, Elayne leaned back in his arms, resting her head and shoulders lightly against the pillar. “Mmm,” she smiled up at him. “It seems you truly are grateful, Rand. It is so nice to be appreciated.”

He couldn’t help grinning back at her. “I’m glad I was able to show my appreciation.” Light, she looked beautiful. “You’ve been very kind to me today, Elayne,” he continued more seriously. “I do appreciate it.” For some reason, she blushed slightly, and glanced away. 

“It was my pleasure, Rand,” Elayne said, returning her gaze to his. “I’m finding your company very enjoyable, the talking as well as…” she trailed off with another lovely flush and looking down at his coat, avoiding his eyes. She ran her fingers over the lapels of his coat and gave it a small tug as if to pull it straight. When she lowered her hands, he offered her his arm, which she took with a smile, and they continued on their way. 

Rand had almost forgotten his Aiel guards, nearly starting as they fell in around them, but Elayne paid them no mind as she glided along, holding his arm, as serene as ever. They chatted about little things, but Rand could barely remember what they said, more aware of the women at his side than their words. He was afraid he sounded a right fool, but Elayne gave no sign of it. Finally, as they came to a staircase that led up to the level of his rooms, she released his arm with a dimpled smile. 

”Well, I must leave you now,” she said turning to face him straight on. “Be sure to get a good night’s sleep, Rand.” 

“You as well, my lady,” he said without thinking. “I don’t think they’ve replaced the mirrors yet, so I should be safe enough.”

Elayne frowned for a moment, with an almost angry tilt to her head, but then she recovered her composure and gracefully dropped a deep curtsy, bowing near low enough to touch her forehead to the floor. “Thank you, my Lord Dragon. With your kind leave…?”

“I’m sorry, Elayne,” he said, hurriedly bending to take her hands and pull her to her feet. “Truly, it slipped out.” 

“That’s all right, Rand.” She rose squeezing his hands, then continued rising to her toes to brush a kiss lightly along his jaw. She stepped back with a slight blush, glancing at the Aiel guards, and he released her hands reluctantly. “Good night.” She turned and glided down the hall, with a glance over her shoulder and a last smile at him. Rand watched until Elayne disappeared around a corner before turning toward his own rooms. The servants would have a meal waiting by now, and there was still more reading he wanted to get in, but he wondered if he’d be able to read a word for thinking of Elayne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might do another semi-original chapter, maybe dealing with the infamous letters Elayne left Rand, as this seems to have morphed into a thing on their relationship in Tear. But I'm not sure I can handle departing from the real material that much. 
> 
> I'm also trying to think of other places in the series where a different character's point of view might be interesting, since this was fun to write, but there are not too many places where more than one major character is present and involved in the scene.


	3. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter. Leaving Tear.

Heart hammering, Elayne glided down the corridor toward Rand’s rooms. Her heart had become more pleasantly used to speeding up when she came this way over the last three days, but now she was going to end all that. She only hoped her connection to Rand would survive it. Rand _had_ to understand, he just _had_ to!

She had been told in the White Tower that she should not expect to fall in love and find a husband, that men could not accept a wife with the power and authority of an Aes Sedai. Her mother had told her similar things about being queen, though that should not be a problem for Elayne for many years to come. She stamped on the small voice warning her that Rand was unlikely outlive her mother, but that only raised the notion that she might not have time to win him over again if he was upset with her for leaving…

 _No! He_ will _accept this!_ She remembered Rand smiling at her, thanking her for advice, staring intently at a handful of feathers as he tried to make a flower for her… And her heart ached all over again. She would be leaving for Tanchico later, and would not see his smile, would not be able to help him for Light knew how long. And she still had no idea how he truly felt about her.

Drawing near to the circle of Defenders of the Stone, she gave a gracious nod to their captain, a different officer than she had seen so far in this room, and passed without pausing. He started to raise a hand, but dropped it again as Elayne nodded more familiarly to the leader of the Aiel guards, Urien, a Red Shield, she thought. The new officer, and a few of the Defenders who looked a little more rugged and a little less smooth and polished than those she was accustomed to seeing, were the only signs of the attack, or the slaughter, had supposedly even reached these rooms. And she hadn't been here to protect Rand.

It was odd to think of Rand not needing her protection – she was a step away from being an Aes Sedai, and strong in the Power, and Rand was merely a man - but if he had not proven to her his own strength when he lost control that first morning, the very satisfying way he had cleared the Shadowspawn out of the Stone last night had. But she still wished she had been here with him.

She opened the door, and stepped in, looking about cautiously. Not nervously. Rand was standing in front of _Callandor_ , frowning down at it, and looked up warily over his shoulder when she pulled the door shut.

“Elayne,” he spoke up, turning away from the sword, and striding over to her. 

As he drew near, she found all the words she had thought about saying gone from her head. “Rand, I…we…I…” She drew a folded piece of paper from her belt pouch and thrust it toward him. “Please, read this later.”

Taking the letter, Rand’s eyes flicked between it and her, “Later? Elayne, what…”

“I have to go.” She had said it. Taking a deep breath, she tilted her head to meet his eyes. “Nynaeve and I have to go to Tanchico, and there’s a ship at the docks getting ready to leave, so it has to be today. I’m sorry this is so sudden, but…” Her voice trailed off as his own eyes closed for a moment, and a smile spread across his face.

Opening his eyes, and still looking pleased, Rand said to her, “I hope you have a safe journey, Elayne.” He tucked the letter she had spent more than an hour composing into a pocket in his coat. His eyes darted around the room warily, as if expecting someone. “I’m sorry, but I have to speak to the High Lords soon, and there are things I must have ready.” He barked a soft laugh. “Sunamon first...” 

Elayne just stared. Of all the ways she feared Rand would take it, she had never imagined him being glad to see her go. Upset at her, hurt… but not … _You wanted him to say how much he’d miss you. You wanted him to beg you to stay, to say he loved you, even ask you to marry him._ She had acted the foolish girl, and this was what she deserved.

“Very well, Rand.” She drew herself up. “I wish you all the best with the High Lords. I am sure you will do quite well. You have been a very quick study.” Nodding much as she had to the captain in the anteroom, she made the barest dip suggesting a curtsey as she turned to go. 

She thought she heard a sound, as if Rand reacted to her departure, but she did not pause as she left the room. She picked up her pace when the door closed and hurried toward the hall, barely aware of the Aiel and Defenders around her. Her head was spinning and some part of her wanted to collapse and weep, but she made herself keep walking swiftly. She had to meet her friends in Nynaeve’s rooms, to settle the last few matters before their departure.

There were criminals sent to the headsman by her mother, who might have recognized the expression on Elayne’s face.

\---

Fingering the paper in his pocket, Rand stared at the door as it closed behind Elayne. It was over. He knew it would have to come to this eventually. If Elayne had not had to leave, he would have had to tell her he was going to Rhuidean today. But it still hurt. Even knowing it would be better for her to be as far from him as possible, he couldn’t bring himself to say it to her.

He thought of Lanfear appearing in his rooms, but with Elayne present. He saw a gray man coming for him, while his attention was absorbed in kissing Elayne in a hidden nook where his guards didn’t see their danger. He imagined losing control of the Power again in her presence, except he did not stop in time, and it was more than a mattress that he destroyed. His stomach twisted at the vision of Elayne dying on the sword of his own reflection stepping out of a mirror. Rhuidean, wherever it was, was to the east, and Tanchico was as far west as you could go. Elayne would be safe. She wouldn’t be hurt by her own kindness to him. 

And Rand wouldn’t get any more children killed by dawdling instead of acting, by lingering in Tear, where the whole world must now know he was. Remaining here and practically inviting the massacre of the night before, because he was too weak to leave her. Even at the end, she did him the favor of leaving on her own, instead of him having to walk away from her.

His hand stroked her letter again, but he pulled it out of the pocket empty. He would read it when she was gone. Later, as she asked. Now for Sunamon, and to make it clear Rand meant what he said.

\---

Bowing and stammering, Sunamon stumbled backwards toward the door. “My lord Dragon, I swear it! On my life!”

“On your life. As you say, Lord Sunamon. I will accept that as the price of your failure,” Rand said with a smile he knew did not look pleasant at all. What was he doing? Elayne had warned him that once you started using threats, nothing else would keep those you threatened in line. He’d have no time to keep a hard hand on any of the High Lords while he was dealing with the Aiel and everything else. But thinking of Elayne’s advice only reminded him that she was going. That the one person left in his life who didn’t care that he was the Dragon Reborn, or the foundling child of an Aiel woman or a man who could channel, the one person who helped him freely, asking for nothing but kisses in return, was safer putting a thousand leagues between them.

As he watched the High Lord awkwardly and interminably bowing his way out, Rand noted Sunamon was growing paler by the moment, and seemed unable to tear his gaze from Rand. What was taking him so long? Rand was ready to throw him out of the room with the Power! Abruptly, the door burst open forcing the plump High Lord to lurch backwards from it just in time.

Lan stalked in, his jaw clenched. He spared half a glance for Sunamon, who, by his expression, nearly soiled himself at the sight, and darted out of the room. The Warder slammed the door without looking.

“Have you heard? Nynaeve is going to Tanchico,” he addressed Rand.

“Elayne told me a few minutes ago,” Rand replied, absently, his gaze drifting back to _Callandor_. “They’re taking a ship…”

“Tanchico.” Lan’s flat statement made Rand stop and look again. “The city is practically a battlefield. They would be safer in any city save Illian under Sammael. There’s been a civil war since last year, on top of a war with Arad Domon and after Falme, Dragonsworn entered the mix. Since the war started, there’s no law in the city. And the two Black sisters they were dealing with might have another eleven waiting for them there.” 

Rand let out a long breath. “Elayne made it sound like nothing.”

Lan snorted. “Nynaeve wouldn’t admit she was going into danger if she was taking ship for Shayol Ghul. Is Elayne any more cautious?”

Rand thought about Elayne kissing him in his room, hours after the bubble of evil destroyed it, minutes after he nearly tore it apart again. “What do you suggest? They’re not going to change their minds. I can’t go with them, and if I don’t go, Moiraine won’t. The Aiel…” He thought about Perrin. And home. “I’ve talked to them. I doubt if so much as a handful of them would be willing to remain on this side of the Dragonwall if I’m leaving for the Waste today.”

Lan paced a few feet, lost in thought, which was as good as another man tearing his hair out and screaming. Of course, from anyone else, what Rand had just revealed would bring questions, but the warder remained focused on the problem at hand. After a moment he said, “We couldn’t find enough men in time who are good enough to guard them. Not even Aiel.”

“What kind of protection do they need?” Rand asked. “If we can’t get them bodyguards, what can we do for them? They’ve done well until now.”

“Experience,” said Lan. “You farm folk don’t know how a city like Tanchico works, and Elayne’s just as sheltered in her own way. They need a guide, who knows how to handle dangers they don’t know to look for yet, and can find out what they need to know.”

Rand frowned. “I think they looked for someone like that when they first came to Tear. Mat and Thom found a Wisdom, or whatever they call it here. She had been boarding them and helped them look for Darkfriends.”

“Sandar,” said the Warder thoughtfully. “The thief-catcher. He came into the Stone with Mat.”

“Do you think he’s trustworthy?” Rand asked.

“I already looked into him after hearing what he did to get them into the Stone. He has a good reputation in Tear, the Defenders also use him to find criminals for the High Lords and Nynaeve’s contact thought well of him. There are clerks in the Stone who will know how to find him.”

“What do you need from me?” Rand asked.

“Coin. And a commission from 'the Lord Dragon' couldn’t hurt,” Lan said, already moving to the door.

Rand moved aside several books on the table near his reading chair, and pulled out paper, pen and ink from the jumble. Just a few words, to make it clear Lan spoke for him as well, and a promise of rewards, that should do it.

Frowning at his note, he wished he could meet with this Master Sandar personally, just to impress on him how important a job he was being given. But Rhuarc was gathering men right now to escort him to the Heart of the Stone. He intended to make the nobles wait for him but putting off his appearance to speak to this thief-catcher would just only erode his authority. He remembered Elayne telling him how equally important it was to show people you were the one they waited on, and to make them feel they still mattered to you. She _had_ helped him a great deal. Perhaps another line or two. Just so Sandar understood. Lan could be awfully laconic. Perhaps he might not give the right impression. Better to be sure his message left no doubts.

He was finishing the note when Lan returned and handed it to the Warder with a purse he had filled with gold coins. The letter had been a little blunt, generosity would soften it, he hoped.

“You’re sure you can find him before they leave?” he asked. 

Lan glanced over the note. An eyebrow rose as he read it, and there was a shadow of a smile on his face.

“I know where he lives. If he doesn’t want to heed me, this note will have him swimming after their ship to be sure he’s with them.” The older man clapped Rand on the back. “Thank you, sheepherder.”

Rand gave him a nod back as Rhuarc came in the room. “Are you ready, Rhuarc?”

The Aielman barely glanced at Lan as the other man left, not hurriedly but not wasting any time either. “The spears are ready to follow you, Rand al’Thor. A messenger will let us know when the last of the High Lords is in the Heart of the Stone.”

Rand let out a breath. “Good. What about the others?”

“Perrin, Faile and the Treebrother are preparing to leave and I think one or two of the spears may go with them. The one you call Mat has been in his rooms all morning. The gleeman was seen leaving with a pack, and the younger Aes Sedai just left in a … a coach, that is taking them to the docks.” His hesitation over the unfamiliar terms was barely noticeable. Rand had seen Rhuarc seemed more…flexible than the other Aiel. Using only first names, more readily speaking wetlander words. But he did not bother asking about Moiraine. The Aiel were wary of the Aes Sedai, even Elayne, Egwene and Nynaeve, though his friends were easier with them. Doubtless Rhuarc would not have known that they had left if they had not done so in as public a fashion as taking a coach to the docks.

He glanced at _Callandor_ on its stand. Not yet. Not until he was ready to go. “Let me know when you get the word of the High Lords.”

Rhuarc nodded and left the room, replaced in the doorway by a servant in the livery of the Stone, bearing a folded paper on a silver tray. Rand took it and thanked the woman, shaking his head when she asked if he needed anything else. The paper bore his name in a familiar-looking hand. Just before opening it, he realized the resemblance and pulled the letter Elayne had given him earlier that morning from his pocket to confirm it. Two letters? Or two copies of the same one? Had Elayne forgot about the one, or had she more to say? Rhuarc _had_ said Elayne had left, surely he could read them while he waited. Something pleasant to relax him before he had to appear in the Heart of the Stone…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to be trying to rewrite the letters Elayne left Rand or the one Rand sent with Lan to Juilin. It just works better if you imagine them. 
> 
> I'm not adding any more to this story, but I will be adding other stories to the series, which has been pretty Rand/Elayne-centric in its two installments so far. I'm wavering so far between Faile's view of Rand's return to Cairhien in aCoS and Morgase's view of Alliandre's meeting with Perrin in PoD. Maybe Lan in EotW, but that's a pretty imposing target. 
> 
> I thought about Lanfear & Asmodean in their wagon with Kadere, but Neuxue nailed that with "To the City, Lost and Forsaken" and she even used the same gimmick of twisting around titles or book phrases, dammit. I really recommend that if you want something vaguely like what I do with canon gaps.


End file.
